- Crystal Barrow Waller, circa 1991
Carry the scissors with the points down.
Don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth.
You’re grouchy when you don’t get your nap.
Psst! Pull down your bathing suit.
I’m cold, go put on a sweater.
If you chase a cow, she’ll make buttermilk.
Go get a bobby pin and get that hair out of your eyes, it’s driving me crazy.
You didn’t really tell your teacher I said that about the cow, did you?
When you wear your hair down, it makes my neck hot.
Christmas won’t be nearly as much fun if you find where your presents are hidden.
If somebody asks you to play the piano, smile and get up and play the piano.
You don’t have to eat everything on your plate.
When you’re eating at someone else’s house, don’t ever say, “I don’t like that.” If I find out you did, something bad will happen.
Don’t put black pepper in the mashed potatoes, it looks like fly specks.
A KitchenAid mixer will mix putty.
Stand up straight.
If you bring another stray dog into this house…oh, isn’t he cute.
You’re pale, wear makeup.
That looks nice on you. Buy it.
Quit worrying about your cleavage. If you’ve got it, enjoy it.
Stop saying you’re fat. You’re not.
Don’t skimp on shoes. Selby’s have a good steel shank.
Never complain about paying income tax. Some people don’t earn enough to pay it.
It’s your body and what you do with it is nobody else’s business.
It’s a shame Aunt Lu was so narrow-minded about her daughter’s being a lesbian.
Go to college and live in a dorm.
Don’t get married right out of high school.
If you want to get married, don’t let anybody talk you out of it.
Learn to be a wife before you become a mother.
I love you.